This made me laugh. An excerpt:
...Preacher lady hitches up her skirts and tells me that I am going to hell for interrupting you-know-who’s word. Two or three OTHER Christian ladies on the train start shouting at me and discussing my prospects as the Devil’s prison bitch. The last straw was a 50 something red faced man in a suit slamming his Bible towards my face.
There was only one thing I could do.
Me:If you all don’t lower your voices and cease calling me Satan, I will have to sing show tunes.
Fortunately I've never seen any crazies on the public transit down here in San Diego; I imagine the presence of transit workers on many of the trains and buses keeps people in line. Though if it did happen, I wonder what I could use as an appropriate deterrent. Spoken-word performances of Depeche Mode, perhaps?