Monday, October 09, 2006

God Hates Me

Yep, he surely does. Of course it's not like I've given him any reason to like me. I mean, if someone denied my existence, I probably wouldn't like them either.

Anyways, I should mention that I abhor clothes shopping. Especially shopping for pants. There's little in the world I like less, mostly because it's so hard to find my size. I've gone so far as to start exercising solely to avoid buying bigger clothes. But I can't really lose too much weight or I'll have to buy smaller clothes. Truly it's a delicate balance.

Today I needed to get a pair of khakis. Apparently the exercising isn't working quite as quickly as I need it to. So I head over to the local Wal-Mart to get some. I spend 15 minutes looking for some 38/34s and eventually find a pair. I'm happy because they're always goddamn hard to find. Usually at a given store I only find one pair of them, if that. Anyways, I try them on and they're a bit too small. Frustrated, I go back to look for some bigger pants. This is where it gets fun.

The distribution of pants at your typical store is a strange one. Usually you see 34/32s 36/32s, 36/34s, 38/32s, then they skip to 40/30s, 42/30s, and 44/30s. Clearly everyone who shops for pants at Wal-Mart is either tall and skinny or short and fat. Not a single tall fat person buys pants at Wal-Mart. Why do I find this hard to believe?

So now I need some 40/34s, and I spend another 15 minutes looking at every pair of khakis in the store. And wouldn't you know it: I find more pairs of 38/34 pants than I've ever seen in my life. And damn simple to find them too; they're everywhere. Funny how it's hard to find them when I think I can wear them, easy to find them when I know I can't, and impossible to find what I know will fit. Eventually I find some 40/32s. I try them on and they're good enough. I take them. Truly a horrible experience, but I came out on top. I have pants that look good, fit, and weren't very expensive. Maybe god doesn't hate me after all.

I take them home and find a stain. I grab a beer; I've earned it. Yep, god hates me.

4 Comments:

Blogger Arthaey said...

So many people hate clothes shopping -- myself included, except when I'm in the mood to browse a Goodwill. I feel your pain on finding properly fitting articles of clothing. I shall sacrifice some pasta to His Noodliness and request that He send you pants. Or maybe some of His strippers -- then you won't need the pants? ;)

10/10/2006 3:48 PM  
Blogger Aaron *@ said...

Had I not worn pants at the trade show I was attending, I would've been fired. Plus, my guess is that I'd have lost a small amount of respect amongst the attendees.

10/10/2006 6:07 PM  
Blogger Luke said...

I feel your pain, for sure. I'm a 36/29 or so...very short legs, and the high 30's only go to about 32, which end up way too long. This is why I still wear the same pants I had in high school. A little tight, maybe, but worth not having to shop for more pants.

And I must say that as bad as pant shopping is, shoe shopping is infinitely worse. It's always so damn hard to find a shoe that is comfortable, fits, and looks the way you like. I hate it. Hate it.

10/18/2006 7:29 AM  
Blogger Aaron *@ said...

I used to hate shoe shopping until I realized that I could just buy the same type of shoe as what I got at my previous shoe shopping experience. Then the only difficulty was in finding that type of shoe in my size.

10/18/2006 9:07 AM  

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