Saturday, January 21, 2006

Cosmo Corner

So my first issue of Cosmo came in last week. I'm so psyched. After one issue, I think I've decided that I'm going to continue the subscription, for no other reason than the entertainment value. Normally I'd just answer the quiz, but this month's quiz is rather weak; so I'm going to quote part of one of the articles. So without further adieu, I present the Cosmo highlights

From the 60 Sexy Surpirses article

Rub your belly against my manhood. Your skin is so smooth, I might blast off right then.
Dude, don't blast off on her chest. That's not cool.
Do me on the living room sofa, and we can watch our reflections in the widescreen TV
Or you could record yourselves, then watch it later when you aren't disctracted. I'm sure the TV was expensive, but honestly, do you have to watch the damn thing even when it's off and there's something better going on.
Make two fists around my shaft and twist them in opposite directions as fast as you can
Dude, you want your girl to give your cock an Indian burn. You have problems. Seek help.
Flick just the tip of my penis with your tongue. Do it over and over. It would take hours for me to climax this way, but man, what a way to pass the time!
While I'm sure it's a fine way for you to pass the time, that's a long ass time to have someone flick their tongue on your cock. Wouldn't you get tired of doing that after like 5 minutes?

And because it was requested, I counted the number of ads in the magazine. About 100 of the 240 pages of this particular issue were full page ads. This isn't counting the partial ads that were on some pages with actual content.


Anonymous Will said...

Lol...awesome commentary. I completely agree with you.

1/27/2006 8:24 AM  
Blogger Luke said...

widescreen, eh? thats quite an idea...

1/27/2006 4:39 PM  
Blogger Luke said...

actually i would have believed an argument of, "you only beat Poly because they are an engineering/dairy science school"


1/30/2006 1:26 PM  

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Friday, January 13, 2006


::grumble:: everyone else is doing it ::grumble::. I'm such a sheep.

  • Appearance
    • I am shorter than 5'4.
    • I think I'm ugly sometimes.(I'm not really concerned with how I look)
    • I have many scars.(a few, though they have in recent years healed)
    • I tan easily.(especially now that I spend all my time in front of a computer
    • I wish my hair was a different color.
    • I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.(though I have friends who have never seen my chin)
    • I have a tattoo.
    • I am self-conscious about my appearance.(Don't really care that much)
    • I have/I've had braces. (used to have braces)
    • I wear glasses.
    • I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
    • I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger. (closest I came was the drunk girl who wanted to pee on me)
    • I have more than 2 piercings.
    • I have piercings in places besides my ears.
    • I have freckles.
  • Family/Home Life
    • I've sworn at my parents. (they were not pleased)
    • I've run away from home.
    • I've been kicked out of the house.
    • My biological parents are together.
    • I have a sibling less than one year old.(no siblings)
    • I want to have kids someday.(hell yeah; kids are a blast)
    • I've had children.
    • I've lost a child.
  • School/Work
    • I'm in school.
    • I have a job.
    • I've fallen asleep at work/school.(tried once, couldn't pull it off
    • I almost always do my homework. (Almost always procrastinate.)
    • I've missed a week or more of school.
    • I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.(ha)
    • I failed more than 1 class last year.(only failed one last quarter)
    • I've stolen something from my job.(I'd love to steal a ScanScope, but they're big and heavy and would be rather difficult to steal)
    • I've been fired.
  • Embarrassment
    • I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
    • Disney movies still make me cry.(don't think a disney movie's ever made me cry, though some other movies have made me come close)
    • I've peed from laughing.
    • I've snorted while laughing.(I think I have)
    • I've laughed so hard I've cried.(Pretty sure I have)
    • I've glued my hand to something
    • I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.(soda hurts)
    • I've had my pants rip in public (Actually, I think they were already ripped but I didn't notice when I put them on)
  • Health
    • I was born with a disease/impairment.
    • I've gotten stitches/staples.(knee surgery. They let me take one of the staples out)
    • I've broken a bone.
    • I've had my tonsils removed.
    • I've sat in a doctors office/emergency room with a friend.
    • I've had my wisdom teeth removed.(they numbed my entire mouth. t'was pretty sweet)
    • I had a serious surgery.(I'll count surgery to repair the ACL in my right knee as major)
    • I've had chicken pox.(8th grade during our East Coast trip)
  • Traveling
    • I've driven over 200 miles in one day.(Hanford to SLO to Vista's about 430 miles)
    • I've been on a plane.
    • I've been to Canada.
    • I've been to Mexico.
    • I've been to Niagara Falls.(It's a pretty sweet place)
    • I've been to Japan.
    • I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
    • I've been to Europe.(I'd like to go sometime)
    • I've been to Africa.
  • Experiences
    • I've gotten lost in my city.(all the time. I still don't know my way around here very well)
    • I've seen a shooting star.
    • I've wished on a shooting star.(think I did)
    • I've seen a meteor shower.
    • I've gone out in public in my pajamas.(went to class)
    • I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
    • I've kicked a guy where it hurts.(I can't remember a particular instance, but I know I've done it)
    • I've been to a casino.(Usually lose my $5 on the nickel slots, but sometimes I win big)
    • I've been skydiving.
    • I've gone skinny dipping.(Honestly, does anyone want to see that?)
    • I've played spin the bottle.
    • I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.(is this even possible?)
    • I've crashed a car.(poor Claire. Goddamn LA and the 405)
    • I've been Skiing.(I really enjoy skiing. I'd like to go again sometime)
    • I've been in a play.(Nothing big, just a little school one)
    • I've met someone in person from the internet.(I tend to already know people in person when I talk to them on the internet)
    • I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
    • I've seen the Northern Lights.(wish I did; they look pretty sweet)
    • I've sat on a roof top at night.
    • I've played chicken.
    • I've played a prank on someone.
    • I've ridden in a taxi.(In Mexico. The spedometer didn't work. Kind of crazy)
    • I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.(They were sold out the one time We wanted to go)
    • I've eaten Sushi.(We had all-you-can-eat sushi Friday night)
    • I've been snowboarding.
  • Relationships
    • I'm single
    • I'm in a relationship.
    • I'm engaged.
    • I'm married
    • I've gone on a blind date.
    • I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.(equal (0:0))
    • I miss someone right now.(family and friends back home)
    • I have a fear of abandonment.
    • I've gotten divorced
    • I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.(who hasn't?)
    • I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
    • I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
    • I've kept something from a past relationship.
  • Sexuality
    • I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
    • I've had a crush on a teacher.
    • I am a cuddler. (I suppose I might be.)
    • I've been kissed in the rain.
    • I've hugged a stranger.(Just Thursday I hugged someone in a bear suit for the hell of it)
    • I have kissed a stranger.(even I have lines I don't cross)
    • I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.(more than I'd like)
    • I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.(more than I'd like)
    • I've snuck out of my house.
    • I have lied to my parents about where I am.
    • I am keeping a secret from the world.(And probably myself)
    • I've cheated while playing a game.
    • I've cheated on a test.(once in second grade)
    • I've run a red light.(not on purpose)
    • I've been suspended from school.
    • I've witnessed a crime.
    • I've been in a fist fight.
    • I've been arrested.(probably closer than I think)
  • Drugs/Alcohol
    • I've consumed alcohol.(I've been known to imbibe from time to time)
    • I regularly drink.
    • I've passed out from drinking.(at least 5 times, sad to say)
    • I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
    • I've smoked weed
    • I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
    • I've eaten shrooms.
    • I've popped E.
    • I've inhaled Nitrous.
    • I've done hard drugs.
    • I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
    • I can't swallow pills.
    • I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
    • I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
    • I shut others out when I'm depressed.(I find I get over my depression faster when I'm with people)
    • I take anti-depressants.
    • I'm anorexic or bulimic.
    • I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it. (but it feels good)
    • I've hurt myself on purpose.
    • I'm addicted to self harm.
    • I've woken up crying.
  • Death and Suicide
    • I'm afraid of dying.(I kind of fear it since I don't know what to expect. Plus I'm rather fond of living)
    • I hate funerals.(never been to one)
    • I've seen someone dying.
    • Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
    • Someone close to me has committed suicide.
    • I've planned my own suicide.
    • I've attempted suicide.
    • I've written a eulogy for myself.
  • Materialism
    • I own over 5 rap CDs.
    • I own an iPod or MP3 player.
    • I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
    • I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
    • I own something from Hot Topic.
    • I own something from Pac Sun.(I think my How to Pass a Lie Detector Test shirt was from there)
    • I collect comic books(used to, but don't anymore)
    • I own something from The Gap.
    • I own something I got on e-bay.
    • I own something from Abercrombie.
  • Random
    • I can sing well.(As tonight's karoke episode proved)
    • I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
    • I open up to others easily.
    • I watch the news.(The only news I ever watch is The Daily Show
    • I don't kill bugs.
    • I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
    • I curse regularly.(Several of my friends have said I'm the most offensive person they know)
    • I sing in the shower.(Every now and then)
    • I am a morning person.(I'm allergic to mornings)
    • I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
    • I'm a snob about grammar.
    • I am a sports fanatic.(I like sports, but I'm not a fanatic)
    • I twirl my hair.(When it's long enough, at which point I'm convinced it needs to be cut)
    • I have "x"s in my screen name
    • I love being neat.(The concept of neatness appeals to me, although not enough for me to do anything about it)
    • I love Spam
    • I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
    • I bake well.(I have my specialties)
    • My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
    • I've worn pajamas to school.(I got convinced to go to class when I was just going to stay home and work on homework. I wasn't dressed, so I went in my pajamas)
    • I like Martha Stewart.
    • I know how to shoot a gun.
    • I am in love with love.
    • I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
    • I laugh at my own jokes.(I try not to, but every now and then)
    • I eat fast food weekly.
    • I believe in ghosts.
    • I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
    • I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
    • I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
    • I am really ticklish.
    • I love white chocolate
    • I bite my nails.(I pick them)
    • I play video games.
    • I'm good at remembering faces.
    • I'm good at remembering names.
    • I'm good at remembering dates.
    • I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.(I know what I want to do, but I don't know where, when, and with whom. Besides, I can't remember the last time my life's gone in the direction I expected it to.)
    • all of those are answered honestly.(unless I'm lying to myself)


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Monday, January 09, 2006

Like a Goddamn Faucet

It appears that my gift has come in the mail today. I'll finally be able to learn how guys think and how to give my man that hot lovin' that'll make him come begging for more. Thanks guys; you've made me feel like the belle of the ball.


Should've been belle, not bell. Thank you Anal-Retentive Grammar Nazi Jerry.


Blogger Luke said...

well you better share whatever tidbits you learn ;)

Do you know who sent it to you?

1/10/2006 1:53 PM  
Blogger Aaron *@ said...

Yeah, t'was a gift from Forrest, Catherine, and Jerry. Though technically, it was a gift from me since They made me write the check for the subscription and haven't paid me back.
And I'll be sure to share any interesting tidbits I find. Perhaps I'll post answers to the monthly Cosmo Quiz on here.

1/10/2006 2:25 PM  

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