Thursday, April 14, 2005

A Goddamn Racket

So most of you probably know that I got a ticket the Friday before spring break for stopping past the limit line on a stop light and driving at night without my headlights on. Stupid mistakes that anyone and everyone has made at some point in their lives. Well, a couple days ago I got a letter from the county courthouse reminding me that I needed to take care of the ticket before the 22nd of this month. Enclosed in this letter was a listing of traffic schools that I may be able to attend. I haven't yet figured out whether or not I can attend traffic school since I was cited for 2 violations, but that's not the point. The point is the fact that the traffic schools are a joke. Allow me to list some of the fine upstanding traffic schools I can attend.

  • Great Comedians Traffic School
  • Great Comedy School
  • Pizza 4U -- Great Comedians
  • Comedy School
  • Comedy For Less Traffic School

So right there is 5 traffic schools that include the word "comedy" in the title. I'm reminded of an episode of King Of The Hill where Hank attends a comedy traffic school taught by Chris Rock. I always thought it was a joke; I mean, they couldn't really have traffic schools like that. How could you learn anything? But yes, they can and do.

Which brings me to my point. Traffic schools and traffic violations are a goddamn racket perpetuated by the state. See, if the state really wanted to use traffic school to actually teach people, there wouldn't be any traffic schools that started with the word "comedy". Traffic schools might actually teach people to drive safer than they do. But if they did that, the state might lose revenue from traffic tickets due to people who actually learn something in the class instead of blowing it off. So they make it easy, and traffic schools are more than happy to oblige. They know that most people see traffic tickets as an annoyance, and the easier they can make their traffic school, the more people will sign up.

Of course, if the state made traffic school hard, people would complain that the traffic school was too much of a pain in the ass; and I'm sure I'd be first in line to say that. But I'd still feel a little better shelling out the money for traffic school if I weren't asked questions like this:

What should you do if you see a pedestrian in a crosswalk?
Run him/her over
Stop until the person crosses, then proceed with caution

I don't know if I had that exact question the last time I took traffic school, but I had some very similar to it. I must say that the online traffic schools are definitely the way to go. You get through an 8 hour class in about 2 hours.


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